5 CAR RELEASES WE THOUGHT WERE A JOKE

You may remember that last week we brought you our conclusive list of the best fake releases provided by April Fool’s Day, and what larks they were. This week, we’re still stuck on some of them and we got to discussing the various few that could actually have been real cars. We’re certain that the MINI hipster-mobile is probably being hectically designed now by a team of aggressively bearded flat white drinkers.

However, it also got us thinking about some cars that have been brought to the market in all seriousness but that continue to shock us regardless. So, we thought we’d share some of our thoughts and as usual, we’d like to hear what you think too. Which car do you find it difficult to believe is actually gracing the road with its presence? Let us know!

1. Aston Martin Cygnet

Oh Aston Martin, you’ve been so good over the years – how could you do this? HOW COULD YOU?!

Well-known for building class, style and helping James Bond look even cooler than he already is, we’ve always trusted Aston Martin. It was all going so well and then, the design team got their heads together and gave us the Cygnet. The brand marketed this disaster as a luxurious city car, as if its compact size and emission-friendly engine can somehow make up for the actual appearance of the thing.

2. MINI five-door Hatch

There is absolutely nothing wrong with MINI, or it’s excellent range of powerful little runarounds, we particularly appreciate the SD variant, which really packs a punch. However, our eyebrows practically came off the top of our heads when the brand released a five-door variant of its hot hatch back in 2014.

Although it is largely billed as having improved rear legroom and a large boot, the outside of the car looks uncomfortably squashed. Some cars aren’t meant to be five-doors and we should all just be okay with that. We’d also like to take this time to mention the MINI Clubman All4… it’s ugly. Who is driving these pseudo-SUVs?

3. Bespoke Jaguar F-TYPE luggage

Okay, so this one isn’t technically about a car, but it is car-adjacent because French designer label Moynat created a piece of luggage specifically for the Jaguar F-TYPE. Why did it do this? Because the boot of the Jaguar F-TYPE is miniscule, so steps were taken to build one item of luggage that’s exactly the shape of the boot.

To be fair, we never expected for the F-TYPE to be perfect for taking the whole family on holiday, but commissioning a team to build luggage for it’s boot seems a bit far.

4. Citroen DS3 by Benefit

Originally a concept that was unveiled at the Clothes Show Live in Birmingham in 2013, this special edition DS3 was created in partnership with cosmetics brand Benefit.

You may have seen their stands in the likes of John Lewis, House of Fraser, etc – it’s pretty good stuff.

However, the concept came to life in 2014 in the form of two models, the DS3 Design by Benefit and the DS3 DStyle by Benefit. The former was based on the make up ranges, Benetint rouge cheek and lip stain, while the latter was inspired by They’re Real, the brand’s best-selling mascara.

We believe it was Citroen’s attempt to reach the female market, because all women love accessorising their cars with the contents of their makeup bags. Sigh.

5. SEAT Mii by MANGO

Again, we believe that the Mii by MANGO was probably aimed at a female audience, as SEAT partnered with the fashion retailer to build this… car?

It was known as the world’s first fabric car, having been covered in lace with a jewel trim embellishment, available in nude or black lace, girls! We should point out that it was only covered in lace for the original promotional event, but be assured that the aim of the SEAT Mii was for whoever is driving it to look completely fashionable.

According to the brand, the Limited Edition – of course it was – included a super-fine wool scarf as part of the package, along with a MANGO key chain and a clutch handbag, also bearing the MANGO logo. Fair enough, if that’s your thing.